Mentee Drive means that mentors are primarily responsible for responding to the mentee. This may entail discerning, informing, sharing, and guiding the mentee through the growth process that the mentee is driving. Requirements for a successful mentoring relationship include:  

First: Make sure there’s a Clear Ask from the mentee. Mentee Driven means that mentors are committed to a mentoring relationship that addresses a clearly defined goal over the course of a clearly defined season of time. The mentee is responsible for discerning their own goal with the mentors help if asked/able.  

Second: Mentee Driven means that mentors are not there to teach the mentee anything and everything that the mentor knows. Rather, the mentee should arrive to meetings already having discerned what they themselves need to talk about. They should have already created questions or problems to present to the mentor. Mentors should not have to come up with a whole agenda for what to talk about or teach. The wisdom a mentor shares should be in response to questions from the mentees, and the mentor’s content preparation for each meeting should be minimal, if any. This is because the mentor’s preparation is all their life experiences leading up to that meeting.  

Third: Mentoring is more about listening than speaking. A question or problem may be posed by the mentee and the mentor has an immediate idea of how to respond and solve it. The first problem presented is seldom the whole problem, so make sure to listen, ask clarifying questions, and further the listening conversation with questions like ‘what else’, ‘tell me more about ____’, and ‘how does that make you feel?’ The Mentor is responsible for listening, reflecting, asking good questions, caring, and when appropriate giving their input and advice. 

Fourth & Final: Mentoring is more about the gift of availability than knowing what to do or say every time. The younger generations know they have access to every answer the internet could ever provide. What they’re really asking for in mentoring is a committed, available relationship to walk with them and care about them as they navigate life. They care less about how much you know and more about how much you care. They want you to share your lives more than just your expertise.   

The ask/offer of mentoring needs to be clear. Whether you’re asking for someone to mentor you, or offering to mentor someone else, most frustrations come from unmet expectations that start with unclear communication in the first place. As such, we recommend implementing a clearly defined expectation for how the potential mentoring relationship will initially work.  

The 1-2-3 Mentoring Ask

Our recommended mentoring form is that the mentee and mentor schedule their meetings for one hour, twice a month, for three months (the 1-2-3). This rhythm has proven reasonable and effective for attending to the mentees growth plan. A few FAQ’s about this suggestions: 

1. Q: Do you have to stick to a strict hour?  
    A: No. If a meeting is going well and you both have time to go longer than an hour, please meet for longer. But, if one or both of you have limited availability, one hour is a good starting point and an appropriately defined ask.  

2. Q: Do you have to stop meeting after 3 months?  
    A: No. The goal of the 1-2-3 ask is to help you initiate and establish the relationship. Once that three month season is complete, you should take time to discuss what is next. Potential options for ‘next’ include:  

A) You are both available and willing to continue, and agree to another 1-2-3 season.
B) You amend the frequency of meetings to as-needed or as-available.
C) One or both of you are unavailable to continue, so the mentee shows their appreciation and you stop meeting for the time being.